Palms before my feet

The title of this post refers to a poem written by GK Chesterton titled The Donkey. It is a well known poem written by the great thinker from the perspective of the donkey upon which Christ rode into Jerusalem on Palm Sunday. The donkey of the poem finds himself to be "With monstrous head and sickening cry, And ears like errant wings." He describes his birth in previous stanzas as that moment when all the earth must have been in complete disorder."Some moment when the moon was blood, Then surely I was born," he says. Needless to say that he has such a negative view of himself. Poor guy. He is even treated poorly by human beings with such disdain. It's almost as if he understands why though. It's almost warranted even according to him. Yet, even he has an hour. "One far fierce hour and sweet." It is that moment when the maker of Heaven and the Universe chooses him and they enter into Jerusalem together. When there are psalms before his feet.

There are pages and pages written by scholars to unwrap this beautiful poem so I don't claim here to offer any expert analysis. However, I do want to share the thoughts that well my mind and heart. I wonder who this donkey might be and more so what it might take to be him. Allegorically, I think that we are this donkey in one sense. I, and perhaps we all, are this donkey in the sense that we, alone and in and of ourselves, have no value. We are nothing. Dust. Mortal. Helpless. Sinful. Twisted. Creatures. We pass into this world with no choice to do so and leave in the same way. Yet, unlike the donkey we pretend. We pretend that we are special. We pretend that we have value far surpassing what we might. We pretend we are important. We immerse ourselves in our vain fancies; find solace only in pleasures and avoiding all pain and inconvenience.

Yet, Chesterton's donkey finds his value only in Christ. That is his moment. When Christ guides him into the city of Jerusalem. When he bears Christ. In that sense, that is also how we have value. We are valuable only in that we are creatures of the One Creator. We are lovingly fashioned to be in His image. We like the donkey are chosen for task but that task can only be done by bearing Christ. Without him, we risk the vain delusion of our value and distraction from our call. As a woman, I find myself called to the life of wife and mother. When I find myself distracted from this call, I find my tasks burdensome. I find that my time should be spent doing other things rather than those things required of me. We all become this way without Christ; we become spiritual vagabonds. We become like those who welcomed Christ into the city only to leave him at the Cross. 

This aspect of Christ's entry into Jerusalem always astonished me. How can one join in on the praises of Christ as King only to demand his crucifixion less than a week later? When I consider this question  further though, I realize that question can be asked of me. I cling to my God in despair and abandon him when it is hard. When my gaze turns upon the world and when I feel the burn of exercising my faith, I let his hand slip out of my own. I reap the joy of Easter but did I suffer the whip of the agony? 

Never saw it coming- KonMari Method Update 1

I remember messaging a friend of mine who had also heard about the KonMari method and mentioning how I was 80% done with all my sorting. As I typed that message, I remember trying to think of the most accurate number and finding that comfortable 80% but boy was I wrong!

Since my last post, I finished the book (very good read, by the way) and began the process of applying the KonMari Method to my own life. It has been two weeks and we are still nowhere close to done. For those unfamiliar with the method, it requires one to take each and every individual item in one's possession and asking the question: does this spark joy in me. Then, keeping only those things that do. This is however only the first step. The second is to then find a spot for each and every item that you are then left with. It is promised by Marie to be a method to end all methods of tidying. She claims that none of her clients have every relapsed to a state of hoarding or untidiness. Once started, she recommends it being done swiftly. It sounds crazy but it is an interesting exercise that brings so many aspects of ones character and mind set to light.

I began my journey (or saga, because that's what it is turning out to be) with my closet as she suggests. After being at it for two weeks, I completely understand why. That feeling of joy that she describes is most easily and readily felt with our clothing. Maybe because we have a sense of how they feel or how they look on our bodies, not sure. Having some familiarity with that sense of joy and inspiration she describes, helps us to later sort through the more difficult items. It's practice.

As Marie suggests I brought all my clothes out and laid it out on the floor. I mentioned in my previous post that I consider myself to not be a hoarder at all. In fact, I have no problem throwing things away when I'm done or donating them. I really didn't expect my closet cleaning to take much time at all. Yet, once I saw all of my things just lying there, one on top of the other, more still in the closet left to bring out, even more in the drawers, and then another closet full of ethnic clothing, I had a minor panic attack. Where did all this come from!?

You can't tell from the picture, but the while was as high as our bed!

Now, this picture does not include my unmentionables and some PJ that were tucked away in some drawers. Also, I have a pretty huge stock pile of clothes at my parents' house which I complete forgot about. 

In any case, I start from one corner and worked my way through. I have to say, it was quite hard at first and as I progressed, quite surprised. There were a few things that I had forgotten about and quite a few things that I ended up donating which I had worn just a day or two prior. Going through each article brought back so many thoughts and memories. I had to let go of a lot of guilt and greed and fear. Oh the fear. What if I need this one day and I won't have it? What if I never find anything to wear with this? Yet, I tried to keep my eyes on the prize.

My refined wardrobe

At the end, after getting through just the pile on my floor, I had about 6 garbage bags full of stuff: clothes, purses, shoes. Pictured above is what I had left, although I did end up taking a few more pieces out. There was such a serious level of satisfaction that came over me. I couldn't believe it. I wasn't so surprised at all the stuff that I threw away. I mean, I was, but more so surprised at the things I kept. I looked at the pile before me and saw myself. With having each child and moving from an academic setting into a home life setting, I felt like I had lost my sense of personal style and even sense of coordination! I struggled with my new body and my new stage of life in terms of how to translate that into my style. But when I look at my closet now, I see me. By focusing on what I love, I saw a more clearly.

There is something quite indescribably about seeing only those things that lift you up. Wanting to wear every single piece without hesitation; it just being a matter of what you're in the mood for.

More importantly, however, employing the method, as Marie says, provokes a shift in lifestyle but also of mindset. I mentioned earlier how I am someone who usually has no qualms about donating things or getting rid of unused things. Because of this, I considered myself at an advantage. However, the process so far has proven two things to me and taught me something crucial about myself. This is a) I don't actually get rid of as much as I think I do and b) to paraphrase Marie, it is about looking at what you have rather than what you want to get rid of. The second point is key because looking at what you have and looking at what you want to get rid of perpetuate two very different attitudes. The former gratitude and the later greed and worldliness. 

When we look at what we want to get rid of, we look to replace it somehow. 'I got rid of this thing so that means I have more space for something else'-attitude. It is also quite disrespectful to those things that have played some part in your life. Looking at what you have helps us to fully realize what we really need and more importantly that our happiness doesn't depend on how much we have. All those things fulfill a purpose and that purpose should be to contribute to bringing more joy into our lives. Everything else-forgettabout it. 

Being at it for 2 weeks, I still feel like I'm at the beginning of it all but tackling the first task of my closet has left me quite excited to see what will come from all the other parts of our home. I feel reawakened to a sense of who I am. Amid all the chaos of bringing things out from every corner and crawl space of our house, I can finally see the potential of a more simple and permanently organized life.